That is so not my underwear!
by RockingThursday
Summary: Clark and Superman are "definitely" separate entities but the thing is, why are they never seen together in the same place, at the same time? One leaves while the other stays and no one is the wiser.


Clark Kent is never seen in the same place as Superman, ever. Nobody suspects anything, even though they have the same build, height, hair and eye colour… even Lois who sees both nearly everyday doesn't realise this. There's a reason as to why they are never seen together and Superman intends to keep it that way, because Ma and Pa would kill him if anything happened to Clark, heck he would do it himself.

* * *

The new alien superhero everyone talks about is now in Clark's apartment, in civilian clothing, chatting with the bespectacled man. They catch up on each other's lives, they haven't seen each other in years.

"Your job as a reporter is really dangerous, couldn't you have chosen something else?"

"What's wrong? I like being a reporter, it's a dream come true that I got hired at the Daily Planet."

"Okay, what about switching departments?"

"What's wrong with bring in my current section?"

"I don't want you getting hurt. Your partner, Miss Lane, is already a target for villains, just because she knows me."

"So? Clark Kent doesn't know you, it's fine Cal."

"Clark, please, you were nearly killed back there. I don't want it happening again" the older man winces as he recalls the day's incident, it was a close one, too close.

"But what am I supposed to do, I can't just leave her."

"That's it!"

"What?"

"Clark, just think of it as calling the authorities. The minute there's trouble you get away as fast as you can, drag Lois and Jimmy with you if you can."

"Dude, no!"

"Okay, how 'bout this, if it's a super villain then you bail."

"But-"

"No buts, Clark, that is final!" Clark nods and slumps his shoulders in defeat. When they were little, Clark would get sick or hurt easily and his clumsiness would add to that, so they were very protective of him, especially Calvin since he was given the responsibility of being an older brother. Everywhere he went, little Clark would follow and would eventually tumble and fall behind him, getting cuts and bruises in the process where his elder brother would not.

* * *

The group of ladies are huddled in the corner of the break room, they ask Lois if she playing with Clark and Superman, she's always seen with either one and both are very elusive. The hunky Clark politely rejects every girl so far because of Lois, the studly Superman's feet never touch the floor for long, and Lois hasn't told one of the other or accepted neither of them. They say she's the luckiest girl in Metropolis, however she thinks otherwise. Because people think she's with Superman, they kidnap her, when they think she's with pushover Clark, they can rob her. They thought wrong.

Lois has been thinking, a lot, whether to say yes to him. She doesn't know, she's confused, her heart can't decide. Clark knows though, he'd always known, he looks at her forlornly then decides what's best for her. He gives up.

"You have to tell her."

"Tell her what?"

"That you like her, love her"

"Clark?"

"Well? Do it before she's taken, it has to be tonight!"

The encouragement gives his heart strength, then he lifts into the night sky, Clark looks on until the spandex clad figure is out of sight. He slumps onto the sofa and continues eating the apple pie but he's using the fork more forcefully now , he knows Calvin won't be coming home early tonight, after eating he cleans up the coffee table and gets ready for bed.

He finds that Lois has a certain ethereal glow to her now, he notices how she sighs blissfully at nothing and stares aimlessly at the city skyline, watching and waiting. He tries his best to ignore the ache in his chest, put everything he's got into the report before Ch-Perry yells at him again.

* * *

Clark slowly opens his eyes, his head hurts and he feels taut rope biting into his skin. A wide malicious grin enters his vision, a small knife nudges encouragingly at his chin, he has no choice but to look up and involuntarily catch a glimpse of the gruesome sight hanging above him. Dozens of lifeless bodies hung overhead, dripping with blood, faces all painted with the same unnerving expression and nightmarish grin. Some henchmen were still stringing up a few more bodies, randomly taking any limb and tying a rope around it, then hoisting the entire thing up to the ceiling. Unfortunate souls that thought they could escape, eventually captured and killed ruthlessly, examples to show what would happen if the rest tried to do the same. The reporter quivered as the green haired man paced around him, blade caressing his clothes, the slight impressions causing small slits to appear on the suit.

"Let go of him!" the villain whips his head to Lois' direction and starts to slowly cut the man's leg, Clark whimpers from the pain, making the psychotic clown smile even wider.

"Miss Lane, Lois, can I call you Lois?" taunts the man "I need this big guy here to lure the other big guy way out there, so nope, no can do".

"…lure Superman, what are you up to?!" her interruption was cut short by a cloth gag tied to her mouth and the bounding of her limbs.

"Indoor voices, lady. No need to be rude." Harely took a plate of desserts, went up to Joker's side and fed him a bite of cake.

Lois was hopping mad, her screaming muffled by the gag, Harely just gave an innocent smile and fed her boss another mouthful of the dessert. He sets down the knife onto the table next to his burly victim and approaches Lois, his face so close that she can smell the wine he drank earlier, the way he whispers his plans into her ear instantly sends chills up her spine. Crash. A dark figure breaks through the ceiling windows and lands gracefully on the ballroom floor, another smaller figure from out of nowhere captures some of the henchmen with nets sprung from hidden compartments and as the duo fight for the upperhand, a third figure whooshes in from the main door and carries Clark and Lois out to safety. The crowd of hostages run out screaming and dodging debris made from misfired weapons, Superman flies back in and shields them from incoming bullets, ricocheting them back at the fleeing villains. With most of the henchmen down, Batman and Joker face-off, each with their own arsenal of brilliant gadgets or deadly pranks. It is the same with Robin and Harely, while her giant hammer smashes up most of the set up in the dining area, the little bird skilfully dodges it and taunts as he does so. Joker is beaten to the ground but before the dark knight can apprehend him, the clown prince of crime pulls out one last trick and threatens to push the red button, activating it would release the laughing gas throughout the building and affect anyone within it's reach. They have no choice but to give in to his demands, as Superman knelt down and put his hands behind his head, Harely wrung a briefcase from one of the unconscious henchmen. She immediately opens it and exposes the green radiation of kryptonite in Superman's face, the superhero falters and is easily cuffed by the villains, Batman is silent throughout the process and tries to deduce who could have hired them.

Feeling worn out and giddy, he can't sit up straight long enough to look the man in the eye, he can only look up from the floor and this state of weakness amuses his nemesis. Luthor gestures for his underling to give Joker his reward, the purple-suited man gives a exaggerated bow in thanks then links arms with his blond partner in crime and leaves for his car. The deal is done and the line is cut, the billionaire's underlings quickly form a circle around the kryptonian, they can't allow Batman to interfere, not yet anyway. Said vigilante swoops in minutes later and aims batarangs at the armed men, as soon as the guns were dropped, Robin swiftly takes them out with relative ease. Afterwards, the boy wonder whips out a laser and cuts through the chains holding Superman and immediately places the kryptonite-laced restraints into a lead box. The older hero still can't believe Batman took in a protégé, a very young one at that too, the boy was barely nine.

"I'm nine and a half you know." the kid does his best bat glare.

"What?" Superman has his mouth agape and blinks slowly " _how in the world did he…right, Batman"._

"We couldn't trace the signal fast enough, whoever they communicated with is good with tech, sorry Superman" Robin pouts, it was his first time trying to pinpoint actual big time badguys over comm signals, Batman says he did well though.

The collab between the Metropolis and Gotham heroes didn't end in complete failure, at least they caught Joker and his gang. As for Luthor, he was scot-free once again, much to Superman's disdain. Before flying home he makes a stop at the hotel Clark is staying in, Lois isn't in there, he taps on the glass and waits for his brother to draw the curtains. The windows can't be opened so knowing Superman, Clark just talks normally and tells him he's fine and doesn't need to worry. The hero flies away and heads for home, his superhearing still tuned to Clark's location.

* * *

Clark was layering the insides of the baking tin with apple sauce and other ingredients while Calvin looked on from the other side of the island counter. The man was practically salivating from the tantalizing aroma of the uncompleted pastry, his one other weakness, the family pies. He'd never learnt to bake because he was mostly learning to use his powers and helping Pa with the farm work, Clark on the other hand decided to help Ma in the kitchen whenever he could and especially if there was a big bake sale, carnival or the like. As little children, they never could get enough of their Ma's delicious treats, quite stingy with it whenever their parents weren't looking and fought if one decided to steal bites from the other. Calvin eventually realised that as an older brother he had to give way, also his strength would have hurt his frail brother greatly. He felt that if he upset Clark he'd be sad too, their parents thought it was really sweet when he took up responsibility to care for his younger brother while they were busy with the farm. Clark thought Calvin became nicer but weird as well, maybe because he was abducted and replaced by an alien or something like in the movies. Luckily for them, Ma found out in time and convinced him otherwise.

"Can I lick it clean, please?"

"Could I ever say no?"

"You're the best!"

Like a little kid, he enthusiastically laps the leftover fruity jam in the mixing bowl and when he was done, his mouth was a gooey glazed red akin to lip gloss. Suddenly he looks in a particular direction and tilts his head a little, listening to something, someone needed help so he speeds into the bedroom to change and flies out the balcony window. Clark takes off his oven mitts and proceeds to sit on the couch to watch tv, he thinks that by the time Cal comes back, the pies would be fully baked and ready.

* * *

Jimmy jumps for joy as he looks through his photo collection shown in the newspaper article, the fashion show was a bit boring but he was glad he was in the front seats, the photos turned out great, he'd have to thank Rick for fixing his lens. The photographer was just like Jimmy when he just started, still new to the job and learning the ropes. The red-head's lens malfunctioned and he couldn't get it to work, Rick was a lifesaver, although Jimmy felt there was something odd about him but shrugged it off and blamed Lois for his recent increase of paranoia. CK brings in a cup of iced coffee for him, hopefully he doesn't tri- too late…the large man stumbles and falls onto a nearby desk but manages to keep most of the liquid in the cups.

"Phew, that was close." the larger man hands over the drink and wipes his hands on the soaked tissue, realises that was redundant and goes to the break room to wash his hands. All of a sudden, a large shadow overcasts the building, all the people in the now darkened room go to the windows and look up to find a jumbo jet airplane gone haywire. As Jimmy prepares to take a shot of the thing, Superman arrives just in time and grabs onto the tail, he manages to stop the thing before it crashed into the buildings.

"What, what happened? Did I miss something?"

"Of course you missed something, Clark, you always do!" Lois rolls her eyes, he is never there when the exciting stuff happens. Over the past week, many unrelated incidents occurred and required Superman's intervention, many of which excluded Clark because of certain reasons that no one knows why. _He_ knows, _he's_ been watching, Jimmy's rigged camera has been very useful.

Clark sees Lois hovering at his desk, a wrapped gift box with a glossy finish, a green bow and a tag: "From a Friend". It had been there since morning.

"Who's the secret admirer? Does she work here or the floors below?"

"Er, I don't know but gosh it looks expensive…shit."

"What? Let me guess, you don't like her?"

"No, no…its not even my birthday..."

"Clark, tell me, I could help you hook up with her."

"Lois."

"Yeah?"

"I think Lex sent this."

The woman bursts out laughing and everyone stills in the room, Clark is confused then his face reddens when he realised what she meant. Lex and Clark had been friends since he was in high school back in Smallville, the present public hadn't known until two years ago when Clark did an interview with him, Lex did not recognise him one bit and didn't acknowledge his name at all. He thought Lex didn't want anything to do with him, so he tried his luck at hinting about the man's time in the countryside, Lex was furious and threw the reporter out. Before he left, Clark mentioned that a certain farmboy was very disappointed with the billionaire. Lex couldn't stop apologising that day, the previously very composed and stern businessman became a flabbergasted mess, they promised to meet up regularly. Calvin was unhappy with the development, some time later he suddenly started accusing Lex of being a crook, then they fought about it and the man's name eventually became taboo in the house.

Clark decides to open the gift, Jimmy ran over to them as he was curious as well and that made Cat go over too, she wanted to see what kind of presents a billionaire would give. When he started lifting the lid, green light emanated from within, he hastily put the lid back and backed away. Whatever expensive gift Lex gave him, he couldn't accept it, _what kind of gift glows like that?!_ The clumsy man was such in a state of shock, he then proceeded to trip over his fallen pen and hit his head. Cat took the chance to take a closer look and found…

"Kryptonite?!" yelled Lois, her shrill voice made Clark's painful head pound even more, he couldn't get up properly and asked Jimmy for help.

"Wh-Why is everyone looking at me?" Clark felt really insecure, was his fly open or did he do something wrong.

The sound of a stack of papers dropping caught his attention, he turned around and saw that even Perry was wide eyed and with his mouth agape, Clark was really confused now and needed to sit down. The office was so quiet, everyone just kept staring at him, he nervously darted his eyes around the room as if he would find the answer to the strange predicament somewhere there. Nevermind that, he had huger problems, why would Lex send kyptonite, no even more importantly, where the hell did he find one. He had to call Cal.

Just as he thought of that, something large crashes through the windows and people in the room started screaming, the object unfolds itself and slowly stands upright to reveal the face of Metallo. The android points one of it's arms at Clark, he ducks for cover as a beams of green light shoot in his direction, he whips his phone out and calls for his brother. A metal arm grabs him from his desk shelter and pulls him out, Metello then uses his mechanical legs to jump out from the same gaping hole he made in the building, When he lands on the pavement down below, Clark slips out of his blazer and and makes a run for it. His colleagues back in the room cautiously look down from the damage in the building, they couldn't believe their eyes or ears, did that robot just call Clark, Superman?!

"Get back here, I know your secret, fight me!" yells the android as he tosses another car overhead.

The man slows down and retreats backwards as he faces the aggressor, not enough for Metallo to catch up, but enough to avoid him while still in earshot. "Wha-What?"

"Don't act coy with me, I know who you are, there's no use trying to hide it anymore!"

He furrows his brows in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I should have known, Superman, right in front of me all along."

Clark blinked dumbly twice and looked behind him, Kal wasn't there, _what was he…oh, god_. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, however Metallo was relentless and chased on, the reporter tried his best not to involve any other citizens in the one sided showdown. By now, there were news choppers high above and other news channel vans nearby, filming all of the destruction and mayhem caused by the misinformed villain. Said bad guy kept saying he was Superman and Clark kept denying it, which made Metallo angrier and even more dangerous, people in the area were finally evacuated by the authorities but unfortunately not without some casualties.

In another part of Metropolis, a certain individual was incredibly infuriated, he couldn't believed he was lied to all this time. Lex Luthor instantly hauled his armchair into the tv screen, how could he have been so blind, he sees Clark nearly everyday and Superman occasionally but hated him enough to remember what he looked like. They both had the same build, same height, same everything! He swore if he ever got his hands on Clark, he would use every ounce of kryptonite and bring him to his knees. Everywhere else in the world, super villains, regular villains and small criminals alike saw the broadcast on every news channel, website and radio. The world now knew of the "identity" of Superman, some wanted revenge, some were in awe, even hardcore fans debated over the impracticality or genius of their hero's civilian disguise. But worst of all, his parents were frightened for their youngest child, they prayed Calvin would arrive to his aid soon. Clark was getting too tired to continue running as his adrenaline wore off, his wobbly legs gave way and he falls, the looming shadows of a figure with a car overhead however snaps him to his senses. He turns on his back and puts his arms in front of him, bracing for impact. Like on cue, Superman swoops in and carries Clark away from the maniac, he carefully checks him over for any bruises or injuries as they fly over the city. The android follows them from below and leaps every now and then when he gets close enough to drag them down. They finally land in an empty plot of land in the outskirts of the city, he hides Clark in a safe spot and flies back out to meet Metallo. The ensuing fight left dents the size of trenches in the land, the environment was also quite rearranged too. Superman was badly hurt but was okay, just a little sunlight and he would be fine. Clark did his best to move the kryptonite heart as far away from his brother as possible, Batman would come later to pick it up.

"You alright, Kal?" he asks as he lays down next to the hero.

Calvin gives a reassuring smile. "Yeah, just need a rest."

"Are people going to find out- you know, our secret?" Clark lays on his side so he can look at his brother better, he's quite banged up with his left cheek bruised and right arm bleeding.

"I called Bats, he's going to help cover up. Besides, the world thinks you're me and I don't think that would be much of a problem, we just need to make sure Luthor doesn't try to…" his eyes shoot wide open in realisation. If he could get Luthor to-he'd be able to show the businessman's true colours- but Clark would be in jeopardy, he didn't want to risk that.

"Doesn't try to what?" he probes.

"We don't get along, remember?" Clark looks up in thought then nods in affirmation.

"Kal"

"Yeah?"

"Why does Lex have kryptonite?"

The next day, Clark was very late for work, he knew he shouldn't have stayed up to watch that movie. He hastily parks his car outside the Daily Planet building and rushes to the main doors, he stops in his tracks when he sees what seemed to be a crowd of journalists from every other news or magazine company, not just from Metropolis but from other cities in America as well. One of them turns their head in his direction.

"It's him, It's Superman!" the crowd simultaneously turns around, then all of them stampeded their way to him. His view was immediately obscured by multiple microphones, recorders, phones and other devices shoved straight in his face. They asked endless questions one after the other, the poor man couldn't compute and was too dumbstruck to say anything. All of a sudden, a hand shot out from the crowd and grabbed him by the tie, it dragged him into the building while it's owner's mouth threatened the crowd with building security and calling the cops. Not a word was said as they rode the lift to their floor, Lois was still leading him by the tie as they exited the lift doors and went past their curious colleagues. She forces him into his desk chair and gives steely eyes, he explains the best he can, Lois nods and listens attentively.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" asks Lois as she flails her arms in frustration.

"The lesser the people, the better the secret is kept. Besides, I don't want to be kidnapped as much as you do."

"I wouldn't have told anyone." she huffs.

He sighs as he cards his fingers through his gel slicked hair. "Lois, a secret is best kept when no one talks about it. If I did tell you, all sorts of badguys would know where I live, people be calling me Superman's boyfriend by then."

"Why's that?"

"… how about somewhere more private?"

Everyone in the department was silent, standing still or pretending to be busy nearby so as to listen in on their conversation. So they went to the windy roof, gusts strong enough right now to block out what he says to her, should anyone decide to eavesdrop from afar. Clark tells a fib about Superman using his home as a rest stop of sorts so that he doesn't need to go all the way home to his fortress. Says that he helps to clean the house quite thoroughly and in exchange Clark helps to clean and make the super suits, which is very true, frozen skintight underwea-shorts is not a good look.

"Kent, I don't know how to tell you this but… you're practically his mother, pfft." she tries to stifle a laugh but can't help picturing a pink apron wearing Clark chiding Superman about staining his super suit with lunch he made.

The funny didn't last long though, the moment he stepped out of the Daily Planet, he'd be swarmed by reporters, journalists, fans even. Everywhere he went, he was stalked, photographed, asked to perform heavy duty tasks by random people along the way, people paid attention, acknowledged his presence, respected his person, just because they thought he was the Man of Steel. Before the whole Superman fiasco, he was ignored, walked over, never remembered, last to be picked, blended into the background, a wallflower of sorts because he was "whats-his-face" from "Nowheresville". He's angry, not mad, but upset that people treat him differently now was because they thought he had the ability to save them or annihilate them all. Poor Calvin has to face this everyday, people might put on a façade so as to get on his good side, nobody knows or tries to find out who he truly is… _no wonder he becomes whiny when I don't spend time with him._ Only Clark truly knows the man under the spandex, he's like anybody else, but just a little more special.

The following days were a hellish nightmare for the meek reporter, Lois was honestly scared for Clark. He was forced to handle dangerous situations that only people in certain professions did like handling a bank robbery, getting attacked and ambushed by criminals, he wasn't safe on the streets. Days later, villains somehow found out his address, decided to break in and proudly face up against an unsuspecting "Superman" in which the real one would do most of the punching and Clark aiming his gun from afar. Calvin didn't want to risk Clark getting hurt should the criminals attack at night again, so he moved his bed into his brother's room, the combined single beds became a king sized one. He was so worried, he hugged Clark to sleep, the man jests about being crushed if he's not careful.

"But what about your brother, where's he gonna sleep?" Lois asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Er- he, I told him to go back to the farm for his safety. You know, now that the badguys know where I live."

"So, Superman stays here temporarily now." she gestures to the beds.

He shrugs. "Yeah."

She starts giggling.

"What?" cocking his head to the side in confusion.

"Some of the girls in the office think it's cute, some think it's kinda… hot."

"Lois!" he blushes furiously.

"Wait, is that yours?" a light pink dusts her cheeks as she points to something red poking out from underneath the bed.

"That is so not my underwear!" he covers his face in embarrassment. _Why didn't Calvin put his suit into the laundry basket, more importantly why did it have to be that part of the suit that came off?!_

Batman ordered that Clark needed to stay out of the public eye for his safety, so he has to idly wait at home until everything clears up, he is not even allowed to take any phone calls. At least he can continue progress on his game, he'd been trying to level up quite a bit since last month and he's lucky if he gets to one up Lex if only by a little. The last he went out was a week ago, and that time he got attacked by a group of thugs while grocery shopping, which he beat up after learning black belt moves from Lois. She was quite surprised that he learnt so fast, a little pissed though because she learnt it for a long time before becoming a pro, and Clark just decides to waltz in like he's been doing it for years.

The day for the conference finally came, Batman managed to gather news people from everywhere before the Hall of Justice, surrounding it were the rest of the Justice League for safety reasons. Clark kept fidgeting with his glasses, he was so nervous, there were just so many people. Countless reporters from the crowd kept calling his name to get his attention and kept shooting questions, he stayed quiet and tried to look elsewhere, wondering where Cal was. The crowd suddenly got even more excited when Superman arrived, as he floated down, Clark moved forward to join him at the podium. Camera flashes went off simultaneously and caught Clark off guard, he got disoriented from the blinding lights, he would have nearly fell off if Superman had not held onto him. Clark in a jittery voice told the crowd what he had told Lois, throughout the conference, Cal placed his hand on Clark's shoulder, giving him an encouraging squeeze every now and then to give comfort that he was there for him.

Soon after, the news reports came out and told the world the "truth". Clark was so relieved that he could go back to work, however now that people knew he was close with Superman, it didn't stop the attacks and kidnappings from happening. He was right though, they started calling him his boyfriend. Lois couldn't help but laugh in these dangerous situations.

* * *

"Oh dear" chuckles the younger man.

"What's wrong, did I bust another one?", inquires the older brother, "That's the third one this month".

"No…pfft" he tries to hide his amusement behind his hands, then an idea hits him and he goes scavenging in the drawer under the bed.

"Clark?" the man is getting worried now.

"…Ahahahahaha" said man bursts into fits of laughter, soon he is in stitches and clutches his stomach to fight the pain.

He gained. His waistline had increased, according to the measuring tape his brother used. Superman gained weight. Calvin had been complaining that his suit was getting tighter and his belt was getting smaller, he wondered if his clothes shrunk due to his daily crime fighting activities with super villains, it couldn't have been the washing machine because Clark hand-washes the nearly indestructible yet soft alien fabric.

"If you don't lose those inches- hehehe, we're gonna have to call you Fatman soon!" he teased.

"Clark!" the hero's face was beet red.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." Clark knew restraining himself was going to be very hard "I'm going to put you on a strict diet, so no apple pies".

"But-"

"No buts, Cal. You have to look presentable to the public, Superman is the epitome of goodness and thus a model people look up to. His fitness gives them security, that his abilities are able to protect them, we can't have you gaining more… obvious fats- I mean weight."

The problem that caused his current state of being actually lies with his daily crime fighting. The recent criminal activities were not physically challenging enough to burn off the calories of the pies he'd been eating, or any of the other food he ate when he usually devoured large portions after vigorous training or a big fight. But also due to the frequency of these crimes, he did not have the time to work out in the watch tower's specially modified gym, so he became fat- gained weight. While he stood in their room pouting about this, Clark left and came back with their kitchen pin board, on it was a schedule. It indicated that whenever he did not lift two shipping tankers or did any activity that required the same amount of strength, he would work out anytime of the day to burn that same energy to do so, even if he was too busy to go to the gym in the Hall of Justice. He's never told Clark about the actual HQ in space, Bruce would be pissed. Everytime he reached the quota for the day, he would strike it off and write how much calories he burned that day. Being unable to go to the heroes' gym in outer space that often, he has no choice but to discreetly lift cars in the isolated junkyard located outside the city.

* * *

I actually wanted to put this in:

Being unable to go to the heroes' gym in outer space, he has no choice but to discreetly lift trains at the railway station. (Guess the reference XD)

Note: Thank you Garrowolf1 for letting me use the name.

Do check out their fanfiction, it's the reason I got inspired to come up with this story.

Story: Clark Kent interviews Superman

Thank you for reading. The second part will come, don't worry!


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